A Bit Of Metal On Your Finger

     Industrial metal, anyway. This is a picture of the little finger puppet I recently made. In some cultures, it is considered good luck to keep a bit of metal in your pocket, but then I realized, "Why can't it be heavy metal?" My particular puppet was made in the likeness of Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails frontman), but these instructions can be applied to any heavy metal rocker.

You will need:

-The ability to hand-sew

-Black fabric

-White fabric

-A small pom-pom or cotton ball

-Black thread

-Extra-fine Sharpie

-Beads, sequins, or other embellishments that give your puppet a distinctive character

1. Measure around your index finger with a scrap of black fabric and mark with pins. Trim as necessary.

2. Sew a straight line down the fabric scrap to create the body. 

3. To make the head, fold the white fabric in half and cut out a small circle. Begin sewing around the outer rim of the circle. When a solid edge has formed, insert the cotton ball and sew it in.

4. Place the head on the top of the body piece and use black thread to sew the head onto the body. Trim excess thread.

5. Take the Sharpie and draw on a face.

6. Attach the hair, depending on who you are doing. I used a bit of black fabric for Trent, but for someone like Robert Plant you may want to use ribbon or string. 

Can You Survive The Apocalypse?

Answer the following questions using "Yes" or "No":

1. Are you physically fit for your age?
2. Do you weigh less than 400 pounds?
3. Has your knowledge for survival derived from a source other than video games?
4. Have you ever developed an emergency plan for your home?
5. Do you have a method of transportation other than your car/public transportation?
6. If you were to lose electricity, would you still be able to heat your house?
7. Have you ever cooked anything over an open fire?
8. Are you okay with eating meat?
9. Can you identify at least 3 items in every room in your house that can be used as emergency weapons?
10. Do you know how to aim, fire, and reload a firearm?
11. Do you own a firearm?
12. Is there a good supply of dry goods and canned foods in your home?
13. Have you exercised in the past 24 hours?
14. Are there at least 3 coats and 3 pairs of gloves in your closet?
15. Are you able to survive without daily medication?
16. Are you completely allergy-free?
17. Are there at least two exits for every room in your house?
18. Do you have a woodburning stove or any type of heat source that does not require electricity?
19. Would you be able to seriously injure a person if the situation demanded it?
20. Do you own a durable pair of boots? (I'm taking about Merrell boots or something similar; those flimsy fashion leather boots at Macy's don't count).
21. Can you get dressed with minimal light?
22. Are you able to survive for more than a few hours without your Smartphone?
23. Do you know what items you would pack in an emergency?
24. Are you able to pack a bag with vital supplies and clothes in under ten minutes?
25. Are there more than five trees in the back of your house?
26. Are there any trees in the back of your house at all (temperate regions only)?
27. Would you be okay with taking a lukewarm shower?
28. Do you have at least 3 places you can go in an emergency other than your house?
29. Can you identify at least 4 backroad routes near your home that you could take if they shut down the major highways?
30. Can you chop and split wood?
31. Is your neighbor's house at least fifty feet from yours?
32. Would you be able to get to a "safe spot" if public transportation was shut down?
33. Are you good friends with someone who is experienced at survival?
34. Do you live somewhere other than a city?
35. Do you own any type of water purifier?
36. Have you packed a small emergency kit?
37. Do you know how to dress a wound?
38. Do you know how to find water?
39. Do you own any survival books?
40. Have you compiled a list of emergency contacts?
41. Do you own a crank radio or crank flashlight?
42. How about anything solar-powered?
43. Is the nearest hospital within twenty minutes of your home?
44. Can you identify at least 10 animals/plants in your area that could be used for food in an emergency?
45. Can you identify at least five poisonous plants?
46. Can you navigate using the North Star or the sun?
47. Can you build a basic shelter with sticks and brush?
48. Have you ever been campingin a tent and not an RV?
49. Do you know how to get out of quicksand? (This one is really out of curiosity.)
50. Do you know how to sew?

(If you answered "No" to ten or more of these, then there is a good chance you won't survive the apocalypse. Start planning!)

Sh*t Hipsters Say, Fashion/Foodie Edition

"Rattled" By Debra Galant: Book Review

     Out of all the (few) books I got around to reading in the past couple of weeks, this one was by far the most enjoyable. Rattled is a humorous look at modern suburbia told through a third-person/omniscient perspective. The main plot revolves around Heather Peters, a white, blonde mid-thirties yuppie woman who is literally the physical embodiment of everything having to do with manicured lawns, manicured fingernails, white-collar jobs and PTA meetings. Heather, her husband and rambunctious son move into the newly-built Galapagos Estates, a suburban nightmare sitting atop what happens to be the natural habitat of an endangered species of rattlesnake. Also living in this area of New Jersey is Agnes, an older Bohemian woman who spends her time advocating for the protection of animals, and Harlan White, an elderly handyman who is annoyed by the presence of the Peters' and by Galapagos Estates entirely. But when Harlan is forced by Heather to kill a rattlesnake on her patio, the resulting investigation morphs into a media circus and turns Heather into a celebrity overnight...and later the subject of severe scrutiny. However, as Galapagos Estates is put under the public eye, not one person---Heather, Harlan, or Agnes---is prepared to go down without a fight. 

     The most admirable facet of this book is how it focuses on the lifestyle of Heather Peters and at the same time pokes fun at her, while explaining the mindset of her opponents, Harlan and Agnes. I enjoyed how the author sympathized with the casual, independent underdogs from a town being overrun by maniacal yuppies who want everything organic, pristine, and clean-cut. (Warwick, I'm looking at you.) You can honestly feel the frustration that Harlan and Agnes express towards their invaders, and may find yourself laughing when Agnes fills in as a babysitter for Connor, Heather's fourth-grader son. All in all, both sides of the issue are exquisitely and equally represented, making for a truly interesting read. 

     Overall rating: 10/10

"Trailer Park Boys" Review

    Considering I don't believe that I have done a review of a TV show (oh wait, Portlandia, duh!), I believe that this would be a good show to start on. Trailer Park Boys is a Canadian TV show that follows the antics of Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles. The three of them live in Sunnyvale Trailer Park in Nova Scotia and regularly cause trouble based on legal scams and general alcohol-induced shenanigans. Working to stop their regular escapades is Jim Lahey, the alcoholic supervisor of the trailer park and former cop, who was actually fired from the police force as a result of Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles' early actions as kids. Joined by his cheeseburger-addicted associate, Randy, Lahey is determined that Ricky and Julian (and to a lesser extent, Bubbles) go back to prison for good.

     Rush was the main reason I found out about this show, because one of the episodes features Alex Lifeson as a guest star (he also made a few cameos in the TPB movies). However, after finding the show on Netflix, I was hooked. The show depends on several aspects for the hilarity, which makes it interesting. Because it is set up to look like a reality show (when in fact everything is fictionalized), it makes everything feel more funnier and less staged. There is plenty to laugh at throughout the series, whether it is Ricky's incorrect but amusingly creative usage of words ("Doesn't take rocket appliances to know that"; "Gorilla see, gorilla do"); Bubbles' obessession over his cats; Julian and Ricky's pot-growing schemes; the boys' ridiculous, constant petty crimes; Jim Lahey's "shitisms"; the constant slapstick; or everybody's general troublesome antics. The show is not over-the-top, which helps convey the realistic atmosphere better than most television shows are able to do nowadays. Entertaining, humorous, and heartfelt, Trailer Park Boys proves that there are still hidden comedy gems lurking in the underground media. Pack up for a good solid weeks, you guys; once you visit Sunnyvale, you won't want to leave.

     Overall rating: 10/10 

The Top 10 Best Music Videos (So Far)

     Thought-provoking, visually dynamic, and often shocking, these ten videos prove that music videos are a true art form. While a few on this list are actually considered short films, they are still music videos nonetheless. Many are controversial, so please view with caution. Enjoy!


10. Marilyn Manson, "The Beautiful People"

9. Nirvana, "Heart-Shaped Box"

8. Sigur Ròs, "Fjögur píanó"

7. Lana Del Ray, "Tropico"

6. Bjork, "All Is Full Of Love"

5. M.I.A, "Born Free"

4. Johnny Cash, "Hurt"

3. Nine Inch Nails, "Closer"

2. 30 Seconds To Mars, "Hurricane"

1. Pearl Jam, "Do The Evolution"

A Word About Female Labels

       ...But seriously. 

     I have been noticing this trend for a while, so here's a list to drive the point home: 

If a guy is a CEO, he's the boss.

If a woman is a CEO, she's bossy. 

If a guy puts on nice clothes and cleans himself up, he's neat.

If a woman keeps herself clean, she's vain.

As proven above, a man must only wear a shirt to be considered a nerd.

For a girl to be considered a nerd, she must have a collection of over 100 related comic books, DVD's, and t-shirts. She must also read 10 blogs a day, develop at least 50 different fanfictions and be able to name all of the Star Wars characters in order of appearance. 

   It is very hard for me to even say that I'm a "nerd" because it's become a vague term by this point. Now, I get that there are a lot of girls out there who are genuine nerds but are constantly seen as fake, while at the same time there are also some very fake nerds. I guess that just because I am woman I have to constantly push myself to obsess over something to the point of living and breathing it. And it doesn't help that guys are telling us, "Well, what do you know? You're a girl." 

     I know, I know, "get back in the kitchen", right? 

    What's worse is that the feminists are screaming for us to push ourselves to be superior to the boys. But why? If nothing we do is ever up to their standards of nerdiness, then why even make it a contest? Why can't we just try to ignore those guys or tell them to go fuck themselves? Better yet, do what the girl did above and throw their words of pretentious pride back at them.

    I will not get back in the kitchen just because I don't meet your standards of nerd. You can make your own damn sandwich. 

   Meanwhile, I'll be watching Star Wars.