"Kill Bill" Film Review

   In terms of which director is a sure choice for ensuring a stylized, two-hour ass-kicking entertainment firebomb, Quentin Tarantino usually takes that spot. And Kill Bill (Vol. 1 and 2) certainly proves this. Having heard about the rave reviews over the years about how amazing these films were, I was excited to check them out, and was most certainly far from disappointed.

   If you didn't already know, Tarantino writes and portray his characters extremely well in all of his films. He is perhaps one of the few directors that is virtually incapable of creating a protagonist that isn't well-rounded and dynamic. Now, they aren't exactly heroes by the classic standards (I mean, with all the violence in Pulp Fiction it isn't exactly easy to compare Vincent and Jules to Superman), but this has the effect of humanizing them and making their respective films far more enjoyable. In this case, I felt that Uma Thurman's portrayal of Beatrix Kiddo was well-done, and she had more than enough strength to carry the entire story. The story itself is fairly simple: Kiddo, AKA the Black Mamba, once worked for one of the deadliest assassin squads in the world, but left after she became pregnant and chose to be married. However, at the wedding, Bill, the leader of the Deadly Viper Assassin Squad, massacres the wedding guests and tries to kill Kiddo, who survives and vows revenge upon Bill and the entire squad. Standing in her way are other members of the squad (which includes Lucy Liu and Vivica Fox) and Bill's associates, all of whom she plans to mow down on her way to take out her former employer. 

   So, basically, it's a revenge story. Is it relatively simple? Absolutely. But uninteresting? Far from it. The story flows in a logical sequence, and the action and characters definitely keep it moving. It has a few slow moments, but this actually helped to balance out the more dramatic sequences, as building the film entirely on the action would have worn out the audience far too fast in this case. The fight sequences are insane, despite how the blood and gore can get a little over-the-top, but that really just adds to the feel of the movie. You can tell that the production devoted a lot of time to the cinematography as well as the fight choreography, which makes the film more well-rounded and detailed and also creates a more immersive atmosphere for the audience. I was having an absolute blast watching this all play out on screen. 

   I liked that even though the film prides itself on having strong female characters, it doesn't rub it in your face too much or try to beat you over the head with a message of "please acknowledge the fact that we have strong female characters and are therefore not sexist". Now, not that I would've been irritated had something like that occured, but the fact that we are able to focus on the character's actions instead of just seeing them as symbols for breaking social boundaries is really what makes the movie enjoyable. I admire the fact that Tarantino writes his characters as characters and doesn't just manipulate certain traits like gender to try and please a particular audience. It was nice that I was able to focus on Beatrix Kiddo as just being a strong character rather than thinking of her as empowering simply because she's a woman. There are certain movies and other forms of entertainment that force their strong female characters to constantly face conflict that relates to the basic fact that they are female, and while sometimes this conflict can be justified, a lot of times it feels incredibly forced and unconvincing. And this may actually have the effect of ironically promoting the film as being sexist. So it was refreshing to see that this film didn't really focus on the gender issues too much, and only brought it up when necessary. The characters are not separated or promoted as "strong men" and "strong women" but simply strong characters as a whole. I feel this is how we should see characters in film, and appreciate that Tarantino is able to do this well in the majority of his films. All in all I really liked how character-driven the film was, I appreciated the performances, the cinematography was enjoyable, and the flow of the narrative really tied it all together. Definitely one of the more entertaining films I have seen recently, and it's certainly a ride I will be taking again. 

Overall rating: 9/10 

Insomnia Poetry

Yes, I can't sleep.

To anyone who is reading, here's a poem or two:

1. How I am beaten down by the darkness in your eyes. 

       I request that you hide them, and spare the stars.

       She, in celestial exile, who bathes in the tears of a half-crazed moon. 

2. Who comes to hear the song of souls?

       Alas, those brought to die

       Shall carry their opinions, bold 

       Foretold the screaming sky 

Update: No-Shave Comes To An End

Just posting as a way to show that I did go 87 full days without shaving. Most of the semester, I guess, but I wish I could've gone on for longer. However, with tank top season underway I realized that I didn't want to scare everyone.

Now my armpits feel naked….LOL.

A Commentary On Self-Harm…And How To Combat It

   Okay, allow me to come clean here: I casually mentioned in another post that I was dealing with a lot of emotional baggage not-too-long-ago, and as a result I entered the scary world of self-harm. As you may have guessed, it was far from fun. But there was much more to it than people will probably believe. So I am here to dispel the rumors about this condition, and instead try to end the stigma. 

   As a kid, I had a tough time fitting in at my Catholic school. I was bullied for nine years straight, and I was also frequently teased by my family while going through a bit of verbal abuse by my parents, though it did quiet down by the time I was about seven. This was all compounded by the fact that I was attempting to hide my lapse from the Christian faith, as well as attempting to deal with my sexuality while also trying to punish myself for it because I had been told it was wrong. I went through many years of depression, but never recognized it as such until I was older, simply because there were some people who didn't want to deal with this and simply told me to "get over it". As a result, I felt alone, and ignored, and ashamed of myself. I feel that the worst part of the experience was how I fell in love with another girl in my class (secretly, of course), who later committed suicide. It hit me hard, but I could never explain to others specifically why it was so painful, because I had been keeping my true self under wraps for so long that I was denying who I was. As a result, I stayed quiet. And for a while, I was able to suppress this pain long enough to have a decent experience in high school. But for some reason, all of that pain resurfaced in college, which led me to seek a more desperate way of dealing with it. 

   The first time I cut was out of morbid curiosity, when I was about twelve. I had heard of kids who cut, and was fascinated by how they could bring themselves to do it. As a result, I took out a small knife and made a tiny incision on my arm. It wasn't deep, but it did hurt a lot, and it scared me enough that I didn't think about it for a few years. But then, after leaving my hometown (for 12 hours each day, at least) to go to community college, everything changed. The bullying, the depression, the suicidal thoughts, the pain of hiding myself from the world…for some reason, the act of moving away from where it all happened, and putting myself in a position to look at it from the outside, caused all of that pain to come hit me like a ton of bricks. I was already under stress because of school and work, and now I had my past to deal with. What fun! For a while I simply subjected myself to personal mental abuse, telling myself to get over it and stop being a baby. I was reiterating what everyone else had been yelling at me for years. And of course, that only made it worse. So, eventually I used a razor to get rid of the pain. I can't remember when I started cutting for real; when you cut, as I have heard and experienced personally, you feel detached from yourself, like you aren't really there. Likewise, I didn't feel like myself when I cut, but rather a scared and vulnerable child. Her memories, and her feelings, were making those cuts. It was my nightmares all over again. 

   I discovered over time that I was cutting for several reasons. The biggest reason was primarily stress, brought on by bad memories and pain I never dealt with, along with the pressure to get perfect grades and behave. At that point, I was so on edge that it seemed like the only way to relieve the pain, coupled with how after a while, I didn't even feel it. Plus, cutting was quick and easy, and I did not feel like I had anyone to talk to about this. But cutting did bring its side effects. To put it short, I was miserable. I cried more often, and my depression worsened. Cutting did bring some of the pain to light, but I was dealing with it in such a destructive way that all of the raw emotions became worse, and I began harboring a seething hatred for the bullies, and to some degree my parents, since they sent me to the school. I also felt like they had ignored the bullying and the depression, though I realize now that this grudge was somewhat unjustified because they may have been just as scared and helpless as I was. And of course, upon realizing that I shouldn't be so angry at certain people, I felt guilty, which translated to more cuts. I was wallowing in my own misery and hated myself for it. As the red marks multiplied on my arms, I had trouble sleeping, and lost interest in everything. I felt like a zombie, unmotivated and unstimulated. As if I was just an empty shell, and nothing more. I truly felt worthless; I became jealous of others simply because of their happiness, of their friends and family and satisfaction with life. This jealousy ate away at me, too, and strained some of my relationships. 

   The biggest emotion I felt while cutting, other than guilt, was fear. This culture already holds a stigma against mental illness, and knowing this made me terrified that someone would discover my secret and immediately begin to judge me. I began wearing long sleeves all of the time, so much that my sweatshirts became worn out (I did use this to an advantage and added safety pins to make it look "punk", which added to my disguise). I listened to sad music to worsen the pain, in the hopes that it would cause a stronger purge of emotion when I cut, so I could possibly deal with it better (to this day I cannot listen to "Black Hole Sun", "Doll Parts", "Misguided Ghosts", or "Hurt" without feeling a tightness in my chest). And of course, I told no one. The only person I came close to telling verbally was my coworker. He was the only person I could think of who had no knowledge of my background, or had ever met my parents or otherwise knew anyone connected to my hometown. It was getting to the point where I had to tell someone, and I decided that he would be the one to tell. So I wrote him a letter, explaining what had happened and why I was so quiet, and how when I wasn't quiet I was constantly making jokes, and why. I had to keep up a persona so that nobody would suspect anything was wrong. I mean, okay, people regularly pointed out how weird and quiet I was, but I knew they would never suspect self-harm. While it is a known fact, we never suspect that our friends and family are doing it. We always assume that bad things will happen to someone else, which is why a stigma against mental health still exists. 

   I did finally stop cutting around March. I realized how much my connection to my Christian faith and the painful memories it evoked was giving me stress and anxiety, so I knew it needed to go. The transition was rocky, but upon discovering the positives of paganism, I began to heal. I focused on forgiveness and trying to accept myself for who I really was: a bisexual Wiccan. I came to the conclusion that I had to accept my true self before I went over the edge, and I am thankful that I found the strength. At the time that I am writing this, I have gone 59 days without cutting, and I am doing much better. I have accepted that I went through a painful period in my life, and can now choose to talk through it instead of repressing emotions until I hurt myself. I am now proud of who I am, and am ready to move on through life as a mature adult. 

   So since this is being written before my coworker reads my confession (I told him not to open it for another week), while I remain terrified over how he will react, I am here to offer some advice and help end the stigma. Here is what I want to say to anyone who has self-harmed, is self-harming, or is thinking of doing so: 

1. Try to identify the reasons why you are doing this to yourself. Cutting, for me, brought up the fact that I had a lot of emotional issues to deal with, and acted as a wake-up call for my mental health. After a while, I recognized that it became almost like a drug, to the point where it was just routine and I couldn't seem to stop myself. So the next time you think of picking up the razor blade, ask yourself if your friends or family would want you to do this. Debate if physically harming yourself will really make your problems go away. I can assure you that they won't; in fact, cutting might just make them worse. Recognize this fact, and seek out help. 

2. Write out your feelings. I wrote in my journal a lot while I was cutting. I flip through it now, and I'll admit it's scary, but it also shows that I pulled myself out of a hole that I desperately needed to leave. When I wrote down my feelings, I discovered new things about myself, and realized things that I needed to accept about myself as well. As a result, I was no longer in the dark, and I started to wean myself off of self-harm. 

3. Find constructive ways to deal with stress. This relates to the point above. Write, read a book, listen to music (somewhat-positive music, I hope), exercise, hang out with your friends, play with your cat or dog. Releasing your energy doesn't and shouldn't have to involve hurting yourself. Digging yourself into a deeper pit of depression will not help you, only hurt you. Avoid the razor and focus on other stress-management activities. 

4. Remember you are not alone. Tons of people go through these types of emotions in their lives, though not everyone self-harms. You should not be ashamed over having inexplicable feelings of guilt, hopelessness, anxiety, or anger. We are human, we often feel things that we can't explain. And that's 100% fine. There are thousands of online and personal resources to help you. Some tips are listed here if you are interested: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htm. Understand that you are not the first or last person to come down this road and that with a little support, it will get better. 

5. But if you still don't want to talk about it, that's fine too. Obviously this is something very difficult to talk about. Help doesn't have to mean speaking directly to a friend or family member; you are dealing with some very raw pain, and not everyone will react to this in a positive way. You could deal with your pain by doing any of the activities I listed, or even just find a person you trust and say, "Could I talk to you about something?" You are probably terrified, but listen: it is better that you recognize these emotions and learn to deal with them instead of having them escalate into something worse because you were trying to suppress them. Trying to avoid them will only make them worse, so when you are ready, I recommend that you confront them head-on and find solutions. 

Writing this has helped me a lot. If you know anyone who has also gone through this, please share. Let's start the conversation and end the stigma. 

Thanks,

The Gothic Bohemian 

"Dream House" and "Perfume" Reviews, Updates

   Within the last couple of weeks I have been crazy busy, what with the end of the semester approaching and whatnot. However, I did manage to sneak in a couple of films, and I felt that two in particular were worth addressing. These two films are "Dream House" and "Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer". 

   First off we have "Dream House" with Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz. Now, going into this film I knew that it would not be the most original, and I still decided to give it a fair shot. Lo and behold, within twenty minutes I already knew exactly how the entire movie would turn out, and my respect for the film dropped past the point of no return. Literally, to say that this movie is unoriginal and overtly obvious would be giving it far too much credit. The plot was a warning in itself: Daniel Craig (cliché high-executive businessman) and his wife (and two daughters, of course) move into a house in the middle of who-the-fuck-knows-where and notice strange occurences (surprise, surprise). Oh, but…did I also mention that there's a local legend about how the previous owner of the house murdered his wife and two daughters? And there's an insane asylum in town? And everyone blatantly tells Daniel Craig how he looks like the guy who just escaped the mental institution, who happens to be the murderer? 

   Alright, let's play a game. See if you can name a horror film that possesses a similar plot.

   If you guessed The Shining, Sinister, The Uninvited, or literally any movie involving a creepy house and centered around a protagonist that happens to be a father, then you would be correct! Does this now give you context as to how shitty and unmotivated this film is? Now, to be fair, it does make an effort to try and layer itself, but the layers don't fit together at all. I was sitting through so many stupid scenes with Daniel Craig trying to figure shit out (and just confusing the audience further with pointless expositional bullshit that goes nowhere) that I lost interest about halfway through. I kept trying to imagine him as his Girl With The Dragon Tattoo character in order to try and make this film tolerable, but instead I just felt like I was watching Mikael Blomkvist's slightly retarded twin brother. The performances by the other actors were lukewarm at best: it was as if the cast understood how ridiculous the plot was and they responded by simply not making any kind of an effort. It wasn't scary in the slightest and the jump-scares came off as incredibly annoying and somewhat insulting to my intelligence as an audience member. This film is, as a whole, a complete waste of two hours and I would not recommend it to anyone. It is definitely one of the worst scary movies I have seen, possibly even more terrible that the Nightmare on Elm Street remake. If that doesn't say something, I don't know what does. 

   Overall rating: 3/10 

   So the next film I saw was far more enjoyable. Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer tells the tale of Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, an abandoned orphan boy living in 18th-century France who develops an expert sense of smell and becomes obsessed with the scents around him. As he grows older, he becomes an apprentice to a perfume maker, but his quest to capture the smell of everything drives him to begin a killing spree that claims the lives of several young women in the town. 

   The film's biggest strength is the cinematography. The colors and exposure are expertly crafted, and they really set up the diegesis well. The visual elements have the effect of seducing the audience member and pulling them right into the frame, which makes the experience more immersive and entertaining. I liked the color palette and thought it fit with the majority of the film, though there were times where it seemed a bit oversaturated or forced. The costumes were also well-designed and showed a decent amount of contrast between the different classes, yet also worked to tie all of the people in the film together. 

   Alan Rickman and Dustin Hoffman make appearances in this film, and while their performances were enjoyable, there wasn't too much that was especially out of the ordinary or otherwise deviant from the performances that we've come to expect from them. I won't say that Ben Whishaw exactly blew me away, but his portrayal of the main character was sufficient enough to make this film entertaining. With regards to the other cast members, I will say that they did a fair job and thankfully didn't drag the film down, as other side characters have with other films. 

   Overall it was a decent film, though not exactly mind-blowing, so if you are looking for an entertaining period piece then you should check this film out. 

  Overall rating: 6.5/10 

  So, now for a few updates. I plan to get into Purchase around mid-May so I don't know how much farther my blog will be going after this summer passes. Otherwise, I am updating my "Top 100" films list and hope to have that up by July. 

   

   

Teenage Wh**e

Teenage Wh**e by elizabeth-mehling featuring a fit and flare dress

Cameo Rose fit and flare dress
$30 - newlook.com

D G black tank top
$30 - yoox.com

ASOS clothing
asos.com

Steve Madden black combat boots
shopakira.com

Betsey Johnson heart earrings
nordstrom.com

Initial jewelry
etsy.com

Beaded jewelry
etsy.com

Charlotte Russe floral crown
charlotterusse.com

Things You Learn Growing Up As A Weird Kid

     I'm going to be writing this in the style of Cracked.com, just as an FYI. So, to begin, a long time ago I had to come to terms with the fact that I was a weird kid. Now, Hollywood and society in general both tend to emphasize and dramatize kids who are "weird", yet they still miss quite a few things here and there. Mainly, it's because "weird" kids could mean anything from kids who dress in handpainted clothes to individuals who collect dead things from their yard. Whatever the case, today's culture wants to accept nonconformity as a popular concept (ironic, yes), but they seem to forget what comes along in the lives of kids who are truly "weird". Allow me to explain….

1. Regardless of religion, race, or politics, your parents will probably be at odds as to what to do with you. I get that liberal parents may be more encouraging than conservative parents if you don't want to play the "right" sport or listen to the "right" music. But truth be told, any parent that is unfamiliar with their child's interests is generally left in the dust. They usually react by either attempting to learn more about this field of interest, or persuade their kid to seek out more familiar activities. But your parents won't be able to relate to everything you like, and this is especially true if you're an oddball of a child. Which brings me to...
2. Other parents will be even more weirded out. I got a lot of eye-rolls from other parents as a kid. It could have been because I was too loud, or too quiet, or too rough, or always saying the oddest things. I did, in fact, have a group of friends, but it was small, and even they were weirded out by me on more than one occasion. However, the worst part is that as a small child, parents still have authority over things like playdates and friendship circles. Did I find myself excluded on more than one occasion? Yes, I did. But the good thing is that I looked back and realized how I didn't want to be around those people anyway. 
3. You find yourself either ahead of the pack, or far behind. As a kid, I could talk for hours about Calvin and Hobbes, dinosaurs, and Titanic facts. But when it came to popular songs or TV shows, I was lost. Now, of course this wasn't a bad thing. But the thing is, nonconformity goes beyond the broad term of not "fitting in". In truth, you do fit in somewhere; just not where the rest of your peers are. So yes, in a sense, you do feel like you belong, but at the same time, it gets lonely. 
4. Some problems may disappear with age, but other issues are created as you get older. One side effect most people didn't anticipate (or bother to see) as a consequence of being a weird kid was my depression. I got it bad. After years of bullying and emotional abuse, I actually cut myself more than a few times. I would like to point out that mavericks aren't just carefree: in a sense, we are brave. Humans like conformity, because it's safer. So those who choose to go against the grain are more vulnerable, perhaps, and therefore more susceptible to mental issues in some cases. 
5. You become a commodity other people want to latch on to. Since noncomformity has become "fashionable" in recent years, having a maverick as a friend has been popularized. I have discovered that most people, while being enticed by individuality, still choose conformity as a sense of security. Therefore, they choose the next best thing, which is having a "weirdo" as a friend. In this sense, they can get as close to "oddball" culture as possible while still being mainstream. I cannot even count how many "normies" have followed me on Pinterest simply based on the fact that I'm pinning stuff on paganism, alternative fashion, and Tim Burton while they are more interested in pumpkin spice lattes and Ugg boots (yes, I realize that this sounds pretentious. Take it as you will). It still makes me wonder if this type of attention is better than no attention at all.