I was raised Roman Catholic, and the majority of my family is Roman Catholic (attend church every Sunday, participate in the Midnight Run, attend the local church Youth Group--the whole nine yards). However, even though I was baptized and put through 9 years of Catholic school (which was an unfavorable experience and something I will discuss in a minute), I realized from an early age that the things I was experiencing went beyond Christianity. As a kid, I felt different types of energy moving around me as I would walk through my house or especially near the forest, where I spent a lot of my time making houses for wood spirits or feeling the Earth in motion beneath me. It wasn't long before I began to conceive the concept of "God" as really, for me, being a spirit concerned with universal balance, and this could come in many different forms, from the elements to living creatures to the figures of gods and goddesses. This was, of course, in contrast with the fatherly male figure that Christianity tends to center itself on. My dreams, especially as a young child, were also incredibly intense, and a lot of it reflected things I would actually experience later. But since the Church tends to be a little superstitious about out-of-body experiences, different types of energy (especially when referred to as "magic"), or psychic phenomena, I didn't know what to think.
Now, when I entered Catholic school, it was, of course, very small. A lot of my classmates were not exactly nice people, since some of them belonged to families that were quite "well off", to put it gently. Everyone was expected to be kept in line, and any weird questions would be atomatically met with something related to God's Word or, "You shouldn't be reading stuff like that," and that settled it. (I particularly recall how my school threw a fit over "The Golden Compass" and wanted to ban it because it somehow promoted anti-Christian views).
The turning point came when one of my friends committed suicide. Since Catholics consider suicide to be a mortal sin, I heard the term "selfish" or "immature" to describe my friend's actions. This really made me reconsider my faith, since I began to wonder: "What if that had been me? Would the Church just completely ignore whether or not I was in pain, and instead only focus on the apparent sin?" Also, when I got into high school, I began to develop certain feelings towards other girls in my class, but when I brought it up to my family, they waved it off and refused to discuss it.
I was seven when I first heard the term Wicca and realized that witches still existed. When I read more into it (privately, of course), I found it to be a positive, nature-based religion that coincided with a lot of what I had perceived and believed ever since I was young. It was only a few years ago that I decided that I had now found my path. I noticed that whenever I read about Wicca, or did simple meditation or raised energy, I no longer had the urge to cut (yes, at the time I was cutting, which was a result of school pressures, lack of interest in my faith, and the culmination of carrying the bad memories from Catholic school.)
Wicca and paganism has since become a new source of light in my life. I look forward to continuing down this positive path as I learn and practice all that I can. While I am not yet officially a "witch", my goal for this year is to be initiated by next January. Until then, I will keep everyone updated as often as possible.
Merry meet and merry part, dear friends! The circle is closed but never broken.
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