"The Artist" movie review

                                   

In a world of senseless commercialism, over-the-top special effects, and marketing, it is easy to lost sense of what it really means to enjoy the art of film. But every once in a while, we are fortunate enough to see a movie that brings that feeling back to us.
For me, The Artist did just that. 
It took me a while to see this movie because I was secretly afraid that I would get bored with it (blame the radiation from the nuclear bomb by generation left behind). But I was pleasantly surprised. The film centers around a silent movie star who meets an up-and-coming actress, and, upon aiding her launch into the stratosphere of fame, begins to realize that his own career is going downhill, due to the introduction of "Talkies" and the changing atmosphere of the film industry.
The director took a clever take with this film, in that he made the entire movie silent, save for an excellent musical score and a nightmare sequence in which the main character hears everything else making noise, but he remains mute. It really shows how much actors rely so much on dialogue these days to deliver a performance. Even without vocal performances, the actors do such a great job with body language that we are able to understand what is going on the whole time. (P.S, props to the doggy for an equally excellent performance!) The cinematography is good, and even though it isn't as grainy as a 1920's film should be, I think that the sharper image gives a sense that we can still make movies like they were back then, despite the temptation of technology.
This movie was a refreshing break from the CGI fests that are put out there today. The Artist makes us yearn for the old days of Hollywood gold, when the stories were simple but compelling and not filled with sex, violence, drugs, profanity, and commercialism. The film definitely deserved every single one of its Oscars and is definitely worth the cellulite it's manufactured on (or, at least, would be manufactured on). Totally worth the wait. I would go buy it on DVD if I couldn't already get it off Netflix.
Overall rating: 10/10

"American Gods" book review

                                                     

As a Neil Gaiman fan, I had been waiting forever to find this book and read it. I like his style, his sense of humor, and tone, so I was expecting something similar to Neverwhere, which is one of my all-time favorite books.
So what the heck happened with this novel???
Let me give some backstory: This dude named Shadow gets out of prison early because his wife dies in a car accident. Then he meets this person named Mr. Wednesday, who we find out later is actually Odin in disguise, and Shadow agrees to work for him. Wednesday admits that America is becoming a bad place for gods because new gods that reflect things like TV and drugs have popped up and are replacing the old ones. They have to stop them before the old gods are destroyed.
There are a lot of things that bothered me with this book, the biggest problem being the character of Shadow. The dude has the personality of a brick. Literally, he doesn't react badly to anything that happens to him or ever question why he's meeting certain weird people or how his wife should be dead instead of walking around following him like she's alive. He just goes with whatever comes along, and to me that just isn't very realistic for a human character.
I could not get over how the book kept getting distracted by other subplots, and by the time it returned to the main conflict, the reader barely remembers what significance the main conflict has. Is it really necessary to detail what Shadow ordered for dinner at a rest stop, how long it took him to eat it, and what kind of small talk he had with a terribly insignificant character? Gaiman, I love you, but reading parts like that make me wonder if you were on your way to becoming more of a Stephen King in the earlier days.
So after a bunch of other stuff happens and a bunch of characters are introduced and more are killed and the old gods all FINALLY get together and want to fight the new gods but Shadow manages to stop them before the fight happens. That was majorly disappointing because I hate it when books build up a giant, epic battle and then just decides to back out of it (Breaking Dawn) or have a character bring it to a stop; like, for  instance, in Good Omens, another Gaiman book.
Basically, the book leaves more questions than answers and leaves you to wonder why some things are even included when they clearly don't serve a purpose to the plot. Why does Gaiman choose to focus on the more well-known gods of mythology instead of obscure ones, like Iduna or Britomartis, that would make the story a little more unpredictable? Why even put so much significance on Odin while barely mentioning people such as Jesus, who would most likely be the subject of conversation on multiple occasions considering that the story takes place in America? (Though, to be fair, Gaiman did include a conversation between Jesus and Shadow in the back of the book that I thought was interesting.) And how is it that everyone just listens to Shadow when he convinces them not to fight? It's not like they are thousands of years older than him or anything!
In conclusion, I lost interest somewhere right past the middle of the book and ended up going on wikipedia to see how it ended. I really don't like writing lukewarm or bad reviews for books because I understand that writing is hard and it is even tougher to finish a complete novel. I do not believe this is Gaiman's best work, but an indication that he had truly amazing, slightly more cohesive novels on the way. I strongly recommend reading his other works.
Rating: 6/10

How to get the most out of a Rush concert

                                      

Ah, Rush concerts. I may have only been to two in my lifetime (3rd show is coming up tomorrow!), but I can truly say that this band puts on some of the greatest concerts you will ever see. They are one of the most talented musicians (THE most talented, in my opinion) in the entire industry and have something for everyone. That being said, if you plan to see one of their shows, I have a few suggestions for you newcomers.

What to expect:
-Loud music (though not as loud as KISS)
-Fireworks
-Lots of screaming middle aged men
-Lots of screaming younger men
-Beer-bellied fans with 2112 shirts
-Cups of beer being held up like lighters
-A very small number of women. There is a common stereotype that all Rush fans are male, which is untrue. Female fans like myself do exist, but the ratio for male to female Rush fans is like 20:1.

Who's who in the band:
Geddy Lee is the bassist, singer, and keyboardist for the band. He is usually on the right side of the stage and  will be the one announcing songs and otherwise verbally addressing the audience. He also has the tendency to jump across the stage.
Alex Lifeson is the lead guitarist and is usually on the left side of the stage. He tends to have his own spotlight and enjoys non-verbally interacting with the audience as well as with the other band members.
Neil Peart is the drummer and the mind behind the magic. He is behind the drumset the whole time but sometimes will stand up when the set rotates. Don't worry if you see his expression; he's not mad, he's concentrating.

What to wear:
-Rush t-shirt
-Casual pants
-Earplugs
-It should be noted that face paint is not really appropriate; they are not that type of band.

How to prepare:
-Get your tickets early.
-Look up the setlist and familiarize yourself with the songs.
-Join a Rush Facebook group to stay updated.

Behavior:
-Screaming is allowed, but only during the beginning and ends of songs. Rush fans will not appreciate you drowning out the Holy Triumvirate.
-If they play 2112, be sure to shout "HEY" and pump your fist at the appropriate times.
-Everyone must SHUT UP during ballads and slow songs.

10 Movies You Should Not Watch Before You Go Camping

Camping season has officially started, and no trip is complete without a movie to kick off the vacation. That being said, if you plan on spending some time overnight in the woods, here are some flicks you should definitely not see unless you want to spend the whole night in a fetal position, sucking your thumb and wondering why you couldn't drop $46 to stay at the motel back on the freeway.

Here they are:

1. The Blair Witch Project
       
Scariest film I've seen to date. It is (supposedly) made up of footage found in the woods after three student filmmakers disappeared while filming a local legend. Maybe you city people won't be too frightened over it, but I live in the middle of the woods and our house is surrounded by old vacation homes that have been abandoned for years. It seems to play right into the story, and that's really just creepy. Especially if you plan on sleeping in a tent far away from other campers, I suggest you avoid this one.


2. The Descent 

This movie was disgusting with a capital "D". The story is about this group of women as they go spelunking to reconnect after a tragedy; however, they soon discover that the caves are inhabited by subhuman cannibalistic creatures. If you can handle people getting ripped apart and eaten alive, then more power to you. But for those of you who intend to eat that camping food your cooking over the fire, don't watch this movie.



3. Into The Wild

Not technically a scary movie. What is scary, however, is that Chris McCandless went into Alaska  almost completely unprepared. And that's pretty much how he ended up dying. Now, I should have probably put this on the list of "Ten Movies You Should Watch Before You Go Camping," but the reason it is on this list is if you see this before you go camping, it will put the fear of the outdoors in you and prevent you from ever leaving your house again.

4. 2012

Especially important if you plan on visiting Yellowstone, which has been known to have one of the largest supervolcanoes in the world. Now, the chances of the volcano erupting anytime soon is very slim, and as we can see, the 2012 rapture did not happen according to plan. If you see this movie and still plan on going to a place like Yellowstone, at least buy yourself a RV, as the movie clearly illustrates that most RV's can withstand volcanism.

5. Wolf Creek

For all of you people who don't understand this already, hitchhiking is a bad, bad, BAD idea. Even things like allowing creepy old guys to tow your car back to his house is a bad idea. What makes this movie scary is that it is supposedly based on a true story. (And to be clear, The Blair Witch Project is fake.) If your friend suggests a road trip, make sure that your car has been inspected and that all cell phones are properly working. And if you can't do that, then this movie may convince you otherwise. But really, just try not to watch it.

6. The Hills Have Eyes
To be fair, I have not seen this movie, but I've heard enough about it to include it in my list. Even looking at the movie stills made me shiver. They picked the creepiest looking people to be in this movie, and it works frighteningly well, apparently. You don't have to see this movie if you are smart about where you are going. and if a bunch of weird people on the road try to get your attention, floor it.

Take my advice and just floor it.









7. Friday the 13th

There really isn't anything I can say about this movie that hasn't already been said. Watch this film and you can be sure you'll never want to go summer camp again. I think we all would like to know how Jason is even alive, but what I really want to know is why the heck the water in the picture is yellow.




8. Evil Dead

By the time this movie came around, people knew enough about creepy houses to completely avoid them (see entry #1). And you should seriously abide by that rule. Pick one that is actually inhabited by nice people and has a reputation that does not include some type of horrific murder. But even if you do pick a nice little bed-and-breakfast, avoid this movie. Unless you plan on staying far, far, away from the woods.


9. The Cabin In The Woods

Saw this trailer and thought, like so many other people did, that this movie was going to suck. But apparently it defied expectations by introducing a new and pretty scary concept to the horror genre. If you hate monsters, or the thought of encountering one puts a chill down your spine, don't think about seeing this movie.

10. Frozen 

I didn't forget you skiiers. So Frozen is a very simple premise: three young adults get trapped up on a ski lift for the weekend. Wolves are down below. Do the math.
Please avoid this movie if you plan on skiing. The skiing industry has criticized this movie enough; it doesn't really make sense to beat a dead horse. (or maybe a dead body?)

"Carrie" trailer review

Enough with actual movies for one day; time for some trailers!
I've known that they were remaking Carrie since last August. At first I was critical, thinking, "How on Earth can they remake something like this???" But when I found that Chloe-Grace Moretz is in it, I stepped back a bit and realized that this could actually be a decent movie. The teaser was released sometime last October, and the official trailer made it's debut about two months ago. Let's get down to it....

Ads. (I hate these ads. And I found it completely ironic that back in December, when waiting for the Mama trailer to start, the opening ad was the trailer for Mama. Double feature!!!)

Well, they have a nice house anyway. Neighborhood is suspiciously quiet, kind of creeping me out.

Julianne Moore is singing kind of flat while making clothes from assorted pieces. Coraline, anyone?

Chloe-Grace Moretz is screaming from inside her Harry Potter closet and just when we can hear her clearly the movie studio puts in their logo.

Chloe walks up and down the halls saying, "The other kids...they think I'm weird." Obviously, when your mother dresses you like a Mormon Hipster.

"Carrie? Favorite poem, did you bring one?"  (Why does everyone laugh after the teacher says this? Do they find it necessary to pick on her for every single time her name is said?)

"I want to be normal", Carrie says. (In that swimsuit, she's as normal as normal gets.) And then a girl is all, "Wipe that smile off your face." (Bullies are kind of slipping into not being entirely believable.)

Now it's time for a snippet of that iconic scene in which all the girls throw tampons at her in the locker room. Only this time they have smartphones, and Carrie's wearing a towel. Guess Chloe didn't agree to the same terms that Sissy Spacek did in 1976.

Her mom is all, "YOU HAVE A PERIOD NOW SO I'M GOING TO LOCK YOU IN YOUR HARRY POTTER CLOSET!" And she does. Jesus crucifix bleeds noticeably (what.the.hell.), and a huge crack splits the door. Julianne Moore looks stunned and in desperate need of conditioner.

After a short montage of Carrie discovering her powers, there is this bit with her lifting up the bed and several books....Exorcist, anyone?

Random jock boy asks her out for no reason.

HOLY CRAP brief shot of chaos in the gym WHAT IS GOING ON???

Carrie decides to make her own dress (Cinderella complex, I guess). More shots of fire in the gym!

Girl who used to bully her is now trying to make people stop picking on her. (At least, that's what I gathered. Don't know much about the other kids in the school. I saw the original but there may be a few things they changed around so I'm holding my initial judgement on characters for later.)

Carrie locks mom in Harry Potter closet ("Dobby is a free elf!!!")

Kids dump blood on her. (Does not really look like blood. Looks more like barbecue sauce.)

She stops a car in its tracks while covered in blood.

Kids start laughing.

Carrie is covered in blood and appears before a massive fire in the gym....

Title credits.


That's basically the whole trailer from start to finish....and pretty much the whole movie from start to finish. I understand that they probably thought it wouldn't be logical to create another 30-second trailer because everyone pretty much knows the whole story anyway. At least, I hope you do.

Make me proud, Chloe. I hope this movie doesn't suck.

"Funny Face" movie review

                                   
Taking Laren Stover's word for it, I finally got to see a true Hepburn classic. The movie itself centers on the associates of a fashion magazine who is struggling to find a fresh new face for their line. Enter in Miss Audrey Hepburn, a conservatively-dressed bookworm who is discovered after the much nicer version of an early Miranda Priesly decides to move her photoshoot into a bookstore, making a huge mess in the process. But no matter, it's cleaned up and Audrey, after much coaxing by the head photographer, agrees to the modeling job once everyone has commented on how "funny" her face is. Off to Paris we go for some wonderfully choreographed musical numbers and borderline-stereotyped locals (but hey, it's the fifties, right?). But among all the couture, all Miss Audrey wants to do is converse with the intellectual bohemians of the time (back when Bohemianism was worth something). And falling in love with the photographer only makes it worse...
This is back when Hollywood knew their stuff and was able to put on a really great show. When movies were seen as entertaining artistic pieces instead of moneymaking escapades. This movie is fresh and inviting, and gracefully dances into our hearts. Funny Face deserves a place of recognition on the shelf of the Greats,  filed under "Bohemian", right next to Auntie Mame. 
Rating: 9/10

"Portlandia" TV series review

                                        
In a culture of dying Bohemianism and rising Hipster personas, it can be hard to find a piece of work that pokes fun at the organic-eating, Pitchfork-subscribing "nonconformists". (I put nonconformists in quotes because Hipsters like to say they are not mainstream when in fact, they kind of are.) And Hipsters irritate me, so when I saw this on Netflix I was like, "Bring it!"
Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein star as a huge array of characters, switching personas frequently per episode. The setting is Portland, Oregon, also known as the Hipster Mecca. This show covers everything Hipster-related, from organic farming to obscure gatherings and nontraditional weddings to feminist bookstores. Armisen and Brownstein work wonderfully together and are absolutely hilarious, especially when combined with guest stars like Steve Buscemi. This show would work great as an SNL skit, but is fully capable of carrying its own weight as a TV show. The entire premise is thoroughly entertaining and brought a huge smile to my face. Look out, Hipsters; here comes Portlandia!
Rating: 9/10

"Dirty Girl" movie review

                                        
Since Fat Kid Rules the World did not pan out as well as I had hoped, I decided to check out an independent film. Teen Vogue was raving about this one, despite it having limited release and doing very badly at the box office. But as you people probably know by now, sometimes bad press doesn't mean a hill of beans, especially with this movie.
The plot centers on a troubled promiscuous teen girl named Danielle and a gay, overweight boy named Clarke. They both live in Oklahoma in the 1960's, so you can imagine that they are virtual pariahs. They get paired up in school as a parenting project and are given a flour sack for a baby, which they name Joan. Things go well until Danielle's mom reveals she's marrying a Mormon and Clarke's father is threatening to send him to military school. So what do these two do? They steal Clarke's parents' car and embark on an epic road trip. Along the way, they record Joan's experiences in her "journal", Clarke loses his virginity to a man, and Danielle tries to get money by entering a strip contest (though it is in a gay bar and ultimately, Clarke ends up winning).
Was this movie good? Personally, I greatly enjoyed it. This film illustrates the freedom of the American road and what epic vacation movies should be like. Danielle and Clarke couldn't be more different, and that is what makes them work great together. The movie tries to make us hate Danielle, but you can't help rooting for her. Juno Temple is excellent in this role and I look forward to seeing her in other films.
Rating: 8/10

"Fat Kid Rules The World" movie review

                                      
Let me start off by saying that I really enjoyed the book Fat Kid Rules the World by K.L Going. when I heard it was becoming a movie, I was excited, even though a small voice was telling me not to see it.
Should've listened to that voice.
This movie was not horrible, but not amazing. Let me count the reasons why:
1) Changes from the book. Ever feel like you want to drive by the Hollywood sign and flip it off? I'm sure you have, and this is exactly how I felt about 30 seconds into this movie. They change Troy's name to "Tony" and Curt's name to "Marcus", and the suicide hallucination changes from a subway to a bus. A bus, really? So you take away the subway for possible fear of violent imagery but add in the scene with Curt (he is Curt to me, not Marcus) undressing a girl he's making out with, or that part where Troy hallucinated about a girl splashing water over her shirt so her nipples show? Damn you, Hollywood. Damn you and your screenplays.
2) The stale undertone. What made the book great is that it had humor. But the guys playing Troy and Curt onscreen are just not funny. You feel awkward with them. Same goes for the other characters; they're just boring.
3) It has no structured plot. Every single time the script has a spot for something valuable to happen, the movie just groans and falls back asleep. Not good. It just becomes mundane after a while, and you stop caring about 30 minutes into the movie.

K.L Going, I loved your book, but I strongly advise you to go over to Hollywood and kick their corporate asses for butchering your story.

Rating: 5/10

"Man of Steel" movie review

                                       
Two days ago I figured I would go check out Man of Steel because Zack Snyder directed it and I was really pleased with his previous film, Sucker Punch. Anyway, this movie was really good, surprisingly enough. To answer your questions, yes, it was much better than The Avengers. I really don't get why people were flipping out with that movie, considering it kinda sucked. Shwarmas aside, it was not that amazing. (If you didn't get the "shwarmas" thing, Google it.)
Back to the review! This movie starts out with Superman being born on Krypton. They tell you multiple times during the film that this is Krypton's first natural birth in centuries, mainly because over-harvesting of the planet's core is causing Krypton to collapse, and thus Russell Crowe gives the finger to the establishment by having his wife endure the pain of childbirth. So to compensate for his mental pain, he has his wife endure physical pain? Um, okay then....guess it makes sense to some people.
Then this dude General Zod just decides, "Screw it; we're done for, anyway," and starts attacking everyone, and Russell Crowe uses this ape-skull thing called the codex to infuse Superman with the last remnants of Krypton's race before the baby is sent into space. Then we fast forward to Superman (Clark, excuse me) as an adult saving a bunch of guys from an exploding oil rig. Let me just say that the screenshot of him shirtless with flames licking off of his six pack was very obviously done for the enjoyment of the female audience. Now, I'm a little annoyed when movies do that, but I made an exception here. ;)
Then the movie flips back and forth between Clark's childhood, when his Earth dad tried convincing him to keep his powers a secret, and Clark's adulthood, where he moves from place to place concealing his identity and the whole time he's like, "Must-resist-saving-people!"
So then we meet Lois Lane and she ends up at Clark's really sweet man cave at the North Pole. The press doesn't believe her but when Zod suddenly comes back to Earth everyone is like, "OHMYGOSH we gotta sacrifice the weird kid we bullied in primary school or we're all gonna die!" That's our conflict, and hopefully Superman will save the day, but will he find the strength to do it?
The visuals were really the icing on the cake for this film, and I like how Snyder modernized the Superman costume (no more tights---the ridicule from today's society would be unbearable). The acting was good, though at times it felt a little overdone and simple, mainly for the kids, I guess (strange, because there were several moments where I felt, "Holy mackerel, this is appropriate for children?"). The fight scenes definitely could've been cut down, but I'm just glad the plot itself wasn't cut short. And the political messages were all for the humor (Superman took down a government drone, haha!), so everyone will find something to enjoy.

Rating: 8/10.

MAMA movie review

So today me and my sister were told to clean the house, and we did.
In twenty minutes.
We had nothing to do, so I thought, "Hey, let's watch a movie", and she was cool with it, so this is what I found. I have actually been wanting to see it for a while (being a Coraline fan) and I have to say it was pretty good. Just a little confusing.
Mama starts out with a man killing his estranged wife (not shown) and kidnapping his two daughters. Their car crashes into a tree and they find a remote cabin in the woods to hide in. So anyway, he's set to kill his daughters and then commit suicide when OHMYGOD something really scary kills him. The "thing" (wait, let me guess, it's MAMA) tosses the girls a cherry, and through a bunch of juvenile drawings in the opening credits we are led to believe that MAMA has been taking care of them for five years in the woods. The girls are found by a rescue team and by now have resorted to animal-like behavior. They get sent to live with their uncle and his girlfriend. However, MAMA isn't ready to let them go just yet....
I have to say this movie was pretty well done. Guillemero Del Toro is a really heavy visual director, and he worked hard to make MAMA appear very scary looking. The cinematography was good, the acting was....well, it was okay. It's just kind of hard to sympathize with characters that aren't really given proper development before facing conflict, with the possible exception of the girls. Also, I felt that the movie didn't have proper pacing. It starts out slow, then gets really fast, then slows down again, pretty much for the entire film. We are given a really good back story as to who MAMA is, and at the same time, there are still a lot of unanswered questions. Overall, I give this movie 7/10. It's good, but feels flat and could have been developed a little more.

Rush is awesome

There are probably going to be a lot more posts about Rush, but I want to christen the first one by simply stating that they are amazing. How do three guys make such a sound? It defies physics or something. 40 years of awesome rocking and now they are FINALLY in the Rock and Roll Hall of Shame (I mean Fame). They are the best thing to come out of Canada since....I am going to say hockey.

Hi, everyone!

Soooo this is my first post and I am going to use it by stating a completely overdone inspirational-type intro about what my dreams are and who I think you should be.



Of course I won't do that.

Here are the basics: I am a soon-to-be high school graduate who has recently published a complete novel (more to follow on that). I love movies, writing, Star Wars, Tim Burton, Rush, Invader Zim, Pinterest, and The Bohemian Manifesto (hence the blog name). I hate hipsters, most of society, chauvinism, rap music, and broccoli.

Need I say more?

Well I'm going to continue anyway with some stuff you should expect to see on here:
1. Movie reviews
2. Book reviews
3. Life hacks
4. Counterculture tips 
5. Crafts
6. General ramblings
7. Other random little things. 

Here's a recent awkward photo of me: