Saturday, February 24, 2018

SUNY Purchase Starter Kit

SUNY Purchase Starter Kit

Burberry ivory top
net-a-porter.com

MANGO denim jacket
$49 - mango.com

Blue jeans
romwe.com

Uniqlo checkered pants
$21 - uniqlo.com

Timberland work boots
$275 - asos.com

Vans shoes
$73 - topshop.com

Fjällräven purse bag
$80 - revolve.com

WithChic iridescent bag
$28 - withchic.com

Pamela Love gold ring
$350 - montaignemarket.com

Maison Michel hat
lanecrawford.com

Tech accessory
amazon.com

Beauty product
ukhairdressers.com

Animal statue
zulily.com

Red home decor
burkedecor.com

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Summer 2016 Films

1    1.  Magnolia – Absolutely wonderful; great grasp on tone, outstanding cast and performances, and overall a complex and inventive story. The world the director creates is real and apparently simple but also amazingly detailed. But what else can we expect from Paul Thomas Anderson?

2.     The Red Shoes – Took Martin Scorsese’s word for it, and was not disappointed; rivals (and possibly tops) “Black Swan” as showing both the glamorous and dangerous sides of ballet. Also, loved the way the colors popped and interacted with the overall mise-en-scene.

3.     Beasts Of No Nation –I admired this film tremendously in that it was not afraid to take risks, not just in the story and performances but in the cinematography and editing. The end product is a raw, disturbing, and emotionally brutal piece of art. The aspect of this film being difficult to watch is countered and balanced by its utterly engrossing and expertly crafted nature. 

4.     Only Lovers Left Alive –Fell in love with everything about this film; Tom Hiddleson and Tilda Swinton have remarkable chemistry and give two of the best performances I’ve seen in a long time. The tone and diegesis are stupendously crafted as well; this is how vampire films should be done. Will fit cinephiles like a well-made leather jacket.

5.     There Will Be Blood –Another grand slam for Paul Thomas Anderson. Daniel Day Lewis gives an incredible performance yet again (gee, what a surprise), and the cinematography is superb; every single shot feels like a moving painting. The score is strong and appears to counter the raw nature of the film itself while also amplifying its emotional fragility (and brutality as well). If you watch this movie for the cinematography or Daniel Day Lewis alone, and completely ignore the story, you’d still probably love it. But yes, the story is outstanding as well.

6.     Beasts of the Southern Wild –Flexible in its ability to balance imagination with hardships of reality, this film is very much a modern fairytale that will appeal to many. The strength of the film lies in the diegesis, score, and the surprisingly mature performance by our young main actress, Quvenzhané Wallis. The story is able to be engrossing without getting overly complicated; simply put, it appears to exist in a tiny magical box, held up by a strong support system that comes out through the story and complexity of the characters.

7.     Nymphomaniac Parts I and II –I still have mixed feelings about this movie. On the one hand, I view it as brilliant in many ways, from the cinematography to the direction to the editing to the performances. It provides a raw and emotionally disturbing look at sex addiction, while also finding ways to have the audience connect with the vulnerability of the main character. But metaphorically, it can come off as self-serving, almost satirical in many parts, and could be seen as just five hours of Lars Von Trier jacking off while screaming “fuck you” to the audience. Either way, I suppose I’d recommend it, even if it did have a pretty shitty ending.

8.     The Social Network –If I had to comment on the strongest aspect of this film, it would be a hard tie between the performances, writing, and editing. Sure, at the most fundamental level this film is little more than a bunch of conversations tied together into a two hour flick, but the genius packed into that time is evident in its tone, cast, and screenplay. Challenging without coming off as pretentious, this has a classic Fincher feel and is unquestionably a triumph of modern filmmaking.

9.     Swim Little Fish Swim –Hidden indie gem on Netflix. Characters, performances, and editing are all on point, and all make an effort to be different without pushing it too far. It’s very much a cute little movie, and makes for a pleasant time.

10.  Punch Drunk Love –I don’t really have much to say about this one because quite honestly I don’t even remember watching it. I vaguely remember the storyline, so I don’t think I ended up being that invested. But from what I do recall, at least the cinematography was good. This was the only Paul Thomas Anderson film on the list I did not fall in love with.

11.  Cries Of The Unborn –Do NOT watch this movie. Absolutely, positively horrible. It was nothing more than two hours of separate groups of people in two locations talking…and talking…and TALKING about abortion. Antagonists were confusing, as were the supposed protagonist and supporting cast. Exposure and lighting was weird, not sure what camera they filmed it on but it looked abnormal and horrifically distracting. Skip it.

12.  Y Tu Mama Tambien –This film is a marvel in how it balances the apparent simplicity of the characters and their world with the complexity of their developing relationships and troubles. Often, a relationship in a film between an older woman and a younger man (men, in this case), is focused on as being taboo or even humorous. However, this film decides to approach it with maturity and hyperrealism, emotionally investing the audience so that we ourselves internalize the pain of the main characters. The performances are all pulled off with precision, and the chemistry is what truly makes the film thrive. 

13.  Russian Ark –This film succeeds in many ways, but the cinematography is definitely the biggest attraction here. It takes a lot of guts to decide that the film will be one continuous take from beginning to end, and it certainly pays off. The cinematography is an absolute marvel, as is the linear and also nonlinear storyline and presentation. Watch this for the massive scale of the production alone and you will be insanely impressed.

14.  Two-Lane Blacktop –I did enjoy this movie to a point. I thought that the pacing and story was interesting, but for some reason did not find myself as emotionally invested in the characters as I should have been. To put it short, I wasn’t bored but I also didn’t enjoy it as much as I probably could have. Overall, I’d say my feelings would be “lukewarm”.

15.  THX 1138 –This film demonstrates that a compelling story can be told with minimal elements as long as it is presented by a director with solid ambition. Here, George Lucas possesses such ambition; his sci-fi dystopian drama is simplistic yet complex, cold but very human. The cinematographer obviously had the challenge of finding an interesting sequence of visuals in a crowd of bald heads, silver machinery, and white jump suits, and still it pays off wonderfully. Unsettling yet also surprisingly familiar, it’s certainly an intriguing piece of work.

16.  Memento –Christopher Nolan was demonstrating his artistic mastery far before he joined the Batman canon, and this film proves it. Much like “Following”, it crafts a small world for its audience, inviting and also trapping them in its exclusivity. The main character is unsure of his world, as are we, yet at the same time we become all too familiar with it. The story is a web in itself, and we are increasingly wrapped up like a fly in a cocoon as the film progresses. Excellently crafted.

17.  Finding Dory –Pleasant, smart, and beautifully animated, as can be expected from any Pixar film worth its salt these days. The story, however, could’ve stood to have a little more complexity than it did, though the new characters held up the story pretty well and even seemed at times to be the jewel in the crown. Not as good as the first film, but still receives an “A” in the Pixar canon.

18.  Kubo and The Two Strings –THIS is what the best animated films are: creative, complex, funny, and brave enough to be scary and dark. Everything about this film was superb, from the stop-motion to the characters to the voice acting to the effects to the mythology and story. Certainly one of the best films I’ve seen in months. Please watch.

19.  The Master –Again, another masterpiece from Paul Thomas Anderson. Great casting, impeccable performances, outstanding cinematography, and Oscar-worthy writing. Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix have an unbelievable chemistry that appears to drive the entire film in itself; Anderson is remarkable in how he constructs his world, which at the same time becomes your own. Don’t really know what else to say about this movie other than to go see it.

20.  Reservoir Dogs –Hallmark of both classic Tarantino and independent filmmaking. Far less flashy than Pulp Fiction, but has enough wit and brutality to carry its own weight. Again, Tarantino proves how a skilled filmmaker can deliver a lot with just several simple elements and expert writing, acting, and editing. Watch and rewatch.

21.  We Need To Talk About Kevin –If I had to pick my favorite film of the summer, this would be a contender for the top spot. Everything about this film is so on point that it’s insane; the cinematography, the acting, the directing, the story, the pacing, the editing…it’s all there, and culminates in a disturbing and intriguing work of art. Even if you are uncomfortable with watching films about sociopaths, watch this film. If you have to watch any film on this list, watch this one. It’s a remarkable piece of independent film and through its own nature showcases the unbridled talent of the female director in a classically male-dominated profession.

22.  Zootopia –Fun, creative, intelligent animated film. Wonderful example of taking a simple concept (anthropomorphic animals, in this case) and thinking of every possible creative outlet to work with when building the diegesis. Characters were largely original and that was refreshing to see, as was the story.

23.  16 Candles –This film is a shining example of why we love 80’s movies…and possibly a little more than we’d care to admit. Don’t get me wrong, the film isn’t bad, it’s just not amazing. Sure, the nostalgia is entertaining, as are the characters and the one-liners they pull from time to time, but at its core it’s really not a whole lot beyond the average coming-of-age high school movie. Aesthetically, it’s pleasing, but if it weren’t for the nostalgia I don’t think it’d be anything that special.

24.  The Truman Show –If “The Hunger Games” had a lot less despair and a little more heart, it would be this movie. For such an unsettling concept, it surprisingly came off as very endearing, which is not only the work of Jim Carrey but also of the supporting cast members.

25.  Zoolander 2 –It’s as ridiculous as the first film, but just a little less funny. Yes, the annoying nature of the characters and diegesis is what worked for the first movie, and there are times when it works for this film, but for the most part, it can get tiresome. It will entertain “Zoolander” fans, though non-initiates in terms of the fanbase will most likely be unimpressed.

26.  White God –This film was interesting, to say the least. The cinematography was different, especially the final shot of the film, and the dynamic between the father and daughter made for some carefully-crafted tension. However, I feel that balancing this with the plot of the dogs going mad could’ve been constructed slightly better. Overall I wasn’t bored, but I also wasn’t that engrossed. It’s worth watching, though you may not care enough to watch it a second or third time.

27.  The Kids Are Alright –Now, compared to some of the other films on this list, I’d say this one played it safe with the writing; didn’t take a whole lot of risks, but still turned out to be worthy of the emotional investment of the audience. The actors have good chemistry and all have a good grip on their characters, which was refreshing to see. It’s a smart film, and I’d say it deserves most of the merit it’s received.

28.  Last Day on Earth –Utterly horrible; one of the most pretentious, boring films I’ve ever seen. Tried to come off as philosophical but ended up being a metaphor for the director jacking off while sobbing about the futility of art. Don’t know how someone as accomplished as Willem Dafoe got roped into this, because dear god was it bad. Pseudo-intellectual bullshit at its finest. Don’t waste your time.

29.  Pride and Prejudice and Zombies –Read the title. Read it again. What do you think of when you hear that? Exactly. This movie was dumb with a capital D. Waste of a good costume designer and talented actors. Who even thinks of stupid shit like this?

30.  Ghostbusters –Yes, this movie was far from amazing. Writing was weak, characters were a little thin, though still interesting. But I appreciated it for the fact that it had female cast members with good chemistry, and still had the restraint to not exploit them for sex jokes or fat jokes. That’s a thumbs-up in my book.

31.  The Green Inferno –Yet another xenophobic piece of shit from the Michael Bay of horror films, director Eli Roth. This movie failed to scare or disgust me, unless you count the fact that I was disgusted in how things like sexism and racism were being exploited for pure shock value. This movie caters to the lowest demographic of so-called “entertainment” and is utterly forgettable.

32.  Star Trek: Into Darkness –Eh. To put it short, it’s very much a popcorn flick. The conflict is simple, the characters and performances are adequate, and the effects are well done. I wouldn’t really say that anything was necessarily dragging the film down, just that it could’ve stood to maybe have a little more meat on it; I did find myself yearning for a little more complexity than was presented here. But then again, the simplicity isn’t really much to complain about. For what it’s worth, it promises a basic hero story and delivers, albeit without exceeding anyone’s expectations.

33.  Ghost World –Ah, so much nostalgia makes me miss the 90’s. But seriously, this film is everything most romantic comedies and coming-of-age dramas dream of presenting; unconventional drama, a memorable and quirky flavor to the mise-en-scene, and smart characters. Did I mention the massive dose of 90’s feminism that shines in this film? Heartfelt yet mature, this flick will transport anyone back to the days of combat boots, butterfly clips, and the golden age of Nickelodeon. Much, much love for this gem.

34.  Moscow On The Hudson –Pleasant, endearing piece of art. Was surprising to see Robin Williams in such a dramatic role, but he pulls it off with an impeccable grasp of the character. The diegesis was richly detailed and engrossing, which was reflected through the cinematography and unique supporting characters. A must-watch if you are a New Yorker, or have faced the struggle of adjusting to a new environment.

35.  Frankenstein –A classic; can’t go wrong with Boris Karloff. Performances are well done, pacing is able to pick up and drop off when it needs to, which is also reflected by the film’s presentation of just the right amount of tension in its proper spots. The spirit of German Expressionism runs strongly in the veins of this picture.

36.  Marie Antoinette –Nice cinematography, production design, and performances. However, the tone was a bit confusing. I think that Sophia Coppola had a far better grip on tone with “The Virgin Suicides”. However, Kirsten Dunst gives an adequate performance as the main character, and the film ends on a note that is not entirely disappointing or unsatisfying.

37.  Jaws 2 – Decent, but overall bland. Characters are mostly forgettable, performances passable at best. Nothing really stands out, as I expected going into it.

38.  Ben-Hur –One of the great Hollywood epics, and it shows. Knows when and how to balance the varying degrees of brutalism, humanity, anger, and compassion. Any other film like this one would probably appear dated by now, but this film holds its own; the sheer amount of extras, massive sets, costumes, and effects is an impressive feat in itself. Any classical Hollywood fan will definitely need to see this masterpiece.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Director Math

To celebrate my brief return to blogging, here's a funny:

FAMOUS DIRECTORS, IN MATH FORM

Blonde Ladies + "Fuck Da Police" + "Wait, What?" + Underpaid Violinists = Alfred Hitchcock

Alfred Hitchcock - Underpaid Violinists + "Fuck" + Voiceovers + Snarky People = Martin Scorsese

Big Faces + (Average Number of Takes For A Feature Film x Approx. Seven Million) + The Sound of Instruments Being Murdered = Stanley Kubrick

Lens Flares + Bicycles + Creatures + Kids = Steven Spielberg

Families + A Sense Of Hope + Shit Getting Fucked Up Anyway + Anxious Editing = Francis Ford Coppola

Theater + Bright Colors + Models + "I Am Not A Hipster" + Symmetrical Cinematography Porn = Wes Anderson

Cowboys + Americana - Happiness = John Ford

Wes Anderson + Darker Colors + Smooth As Fuck Tracking Shots + The Sound Of Beethoven's Orgasm = Paul Thomas Anderson

Porn + Good Cinematography - Pleasure = Lars Von Trier

Social Commentary + Black Power + Urban Life + 70's Aesthetic = Spike Lee

John Ford + Samurai Swords + Tracking Shots = Akira Kurosawa

Blood (x 1 million) + "Fuck" (x 3 million) = Quentin Tarantino

Unhappy People  + A Color Palette Sitting At Approximately -89.2 degrees Celsius = David Fincher

David Fincher + A Sense Of Hope + Average Length of a Film (x 2) = Christopher Nolan

Big Eyes + Blond Girls In Blue Dresses + Hot Topic = Tim Burton

"Wait, What?" + Factories + Nightmares = David Lynch

Regular People + "Holy Shit That's Disgusting" = David Cronenberg

Fairytales + Nightmares = Guillermo Del Toro

Heavy Stories x A Diary From A Rebellious 13-Year-Old = Sophia Coppola

Metal Music + Blood + Sheri Moon Zombie = Rob Zombie

Explosions + Hot Chicks + Ego = Michael Bay

Michael Bay - Explosions + Gore = Eli Roth

Superheroes - Bright Colors - Sense of Hope + CGI = Zack Snyder







Monday, January 18, 2016

Update And Hiatus


    Hi, readers! Once again it is that time of year to announce that this blog will be taking a hiatus until the summer. Perhaps I will find the time to give updates as I prepare to shoot my freshman film, but this semester is going to be very intense and thus I will find it hard to find time to do anything but film. Also take into account that I want to work at least 2 jobs this summer (film school is expensive) and therefore it will also be difficult to find any down time. 
   For now, this is the Gothic Bohemian, signing off until next time. 


-GB 

Friday, January 15, 2016

Double Review: "Room" and "Synecdoche, New York"

Today I'm going to write a longer post than usual because I was just so moved by both of these movies that I have a lot to get out and I want to get it out as fast as possible.


    First up, we have "Room" adapted from the bestselling novel (which happens to be one of my personal favorites). I was very excited when I heard that this was going to get a film adaptation, and rightfully so: the execution is almost entirely flawless. The film follows the story of five-year-old Jack and his young mother, "Ma", as they spend their days residing in a small space only known as "Room". To Jack, Room is his entire world; he was born there, and knows of nothing beyond the metal door. However, Ma knows the truth: to her, Room is her prison, a cell which she must inhabit after being kidnapped and raped several years ago. As she struggles to be a source of strength for her son, she grows evermore desperate to escape their situation...but how will Jack find his place in this new world? 
 The cinematography is such that the audience feels how cramped and claustrophobic Room is, yet it also expands it in a way that matches how Jack sees it truly as being his entire world. The movie starts out as dark, although it strangely feels calm, bringing in and highlighting the characters of both Jack and Ma, and the different mentalities they possess. As we step out into the real world, everything seems far too bright at first: again, bringing us into the perspectives of two characters who haven't seen much sunlight in almost a decade. However, as Jack adapts to his new environment, it takes on a warmer feel to it, and the winter setting presents a feeling of tranquility and peace, emphasizing their new beginning now that the chaos is over. 
   Brie Larson and Jacob Tremblay have wonderfully developed chemistry, and both offer stellar performances. Larson captures her character's maternal affection, but also knows when to bring in the desperation, depression, and fear. There is a strong sense that Ma wants to protect Jack while they are in Room, although when they actually return to the real world, she loses her grip on sanity and the reality of her situation smacks her right in the back of the head. Larson's transition from strength to emotional instability and severe dependency does not feel forced; her progression is stable, and it is backed by a lot of strong emotion that packs a hard punch. 
    Tremblay is appropriately naïve, yet shows many subtle hints of maturity that makes his character truly unique. This has to be one of the best child performances I have ever witnessed. Jack is smart, and learns to be strong, but he is still a kid in the sense that he doesn't truly understand the severity of the situation. His innocence is appropriate and believable. (I dare anyone who watches this to not burst into tears as Ma, after an apparent suicide attempt, admits to him that she hasn't been a good Ma, to which he answers, "But you're still Ma.") He only wishes to care for Ma, the person he is closer to than anyone else. Ma, much like Room, is his entire world, and it is delivered in an outstanding manner. 
   Which is why this film is such a success: it always comes back to both of the principal characters. They build off of each other, have expert synchronization in their actions and reactions, and create a world that is, in an original sense, strangely affectionate and hopeful despite the subject matter of the film. All I can say is that Larson had better win the Oscar this year; "Room" is utterly fascinating, and truly a sight to behold. 

   Overall rating: 10/10


     Every so often, there comes a film that causes filmmakers such as myself to think, "This is why I want to make films." And "Synecdoche, New York" certainly does not disappoint in any aspect of its story or presentation. 
    The film is, to simplify the basic storyline, about a theater director, Caden, whose personal life is falling apart as he builds a life-size model of NYC in a warehouse in preparation for his big show. Along the way, he deals with lingering health issues, failed relationships, and an incredible sense of self-doubt and almost failed discovery. But all of that is, of course, just the basics. There is so much going on in this movie, you can watch it thousands of times and always find something new. Everything, from words in the dialogue to subtle actions to timing and blocking and editing, is all done like clockwork: everything is there for a reason, everything has a purpose, everything is sending a message.
    A phrase that is consistently repeated in some way throughout the film is the fact that "the end is built into the beginning". And from the very opening shot, this phrase is visualized and proven: the opening shot is a gray fade, which is also what ends the film. Also, in the beginning of the film, Caden's wife Adele continuously coughs, which harkens to the ending, in which she dies of lung cancer. The entire opening morning scene also jumps around with times and dates (in a very subtle manner), so even though it appears to be one day, it is in fact a presentation of several weeks, but showing that it's only the same routine over and over again. The entire film showcases the passage of time in that it is both inevitable and it gives and takes whatever you encounter in life. There is also the theme of how death, the end of a person's "timeline", is the great equalizer. While Caden obsesses over his health issues, he eventually dies, as does his wife Adele; although they are different, they end up in the same place. 
  I also liked how this film really played with the "meta" aspect of what filmmakers are often afraid to portray, as it is a delicate technique that presents a huge risk in completely deconstructing your entire diegesis. Here, it is done in a way that totally makes sense. Caden constructs NYC inside of his own small "world", and fills it with look-alikes, even reaching the point where he casts his ex-wife's custodian as himself. This was particularly poignant to my understanding of the film because as Caden;s life withers away, it becomes apparent that his parts of "lost" or "yearning" begin to physicalize and separate themselves from his entire identity. This is presented in the character Sammy, who is obsessed with Caden and eventually becomes involved in his romantic relationships, insinuating that Caden is losing his sense of self. This is solidified in the ending, where his model NYC is torn apart by an unexplained force, killing everyone except the actress playing Ellen's mother. At this point, he is wearing a headset that gives him instructions, but as he lays to rest and proclaims that he finally knows how to do his play, he is instructed to "Die", and does so. The gray slate then brings the film full circle, showing how "the end is built into the beginning." 
    This film is a martyr in that it died financially and in terms of virtually no distribution, yet it is probably one of the most transcendental pieces of art I have ever witnessed. The performances are all excellent, the themes are strong and real, and the entire thing is so detailed that it surprises you every time. Simply put (though the film is the farthest thing from simple), "Synecdoche, New York" is a modern masterpiece. 

Overall rating: 10/10




Monday, January 11, 2016

All The Nightmares Came Today


   Today we acknowledge the terrible loss of one of the most prolific and influential rock musicians of all time. David Bowie was more than just an artist. He was open about his sexuality and gender expression, advocated for LGBT rights, called out the racism in the music industry, and most importantly taught us all to be ourselves. I don't see this so much as a final farewell as an acknowledgement that the Starman has gone home. Fly high, Ziggy...you will be missed.


-The GB

Friday, January 8, 2016

The Curse Of The Over-Achiever


    For the last six years, I have had many labels thrown in my direction. 
    "Perfectionist"
    "Type-A"
    "Extremely organized"
    "Overachiever"
    And to be fair, I have by and large taken all of these as compliments, like I'm sure anyone would. I mean, because since my generation is so apparently lazy, that I should be damn proud of myself for constantly going at 100 miles an hour, right? Why, I should revel in the fact that I am setting myself apart from other teenagers my age (given decades-long stereotypes)! 
     Except, as Alexandra Robbins pointed out, my generation has become the complete opposite of that. Our culture has denigrated into a gigantic "education" factory in which teenagers are expected to churn out perfect test scores, papers, AP exams, and community service hours in order to prove to the world that you can play with the big boys (the big boys being the adults). The results are staggering: teen suicide has soared, hours of sleep have gone down, and the stakes rise a little bit each time a new generation comes through the machine. 
     I did try to avoid this sickening culture for as long as I could, but the peer pressure proved to be too much for myself and my parents (exacerbated by the elitist environment of our small town). Thus, beginning in grade 9, I joined the cult and became an "overachiever". High school nurtured this to no end: so many clubs to be president of, so many papers to edit to perfection, so many ways to help your community, even if it's just for the sake of a college application! We were truly the embodiment of the Affluent White American's Dream. 
    Only thing is, there have been studies that suggest that this type of grade-driven marathon stops short in college, as kids experience a severe burnout, or worse. And as I entered community college, I only had to scroll through Facebook to see evidence of this. Kids who had been at the top of my grade were dropping out and coming back home after realizing that they spent more time trying to get into a college instead of actually sitting down and really thinking about what they were going to study once they got there. It was almost a disappointment to see all these "promising" kids become far too overwhelmed to actually become involved in what they had supposedly worked years for. 
     However, for me, I didn't slow down; I upped the ante. I often debate why this mentality began to grow stronger within my two years at community college. Maybe it was due to the fact that I felt I needed to prove myself to a higher standard, given that a stigma is prevalent in my town against community college and trade school. For the first year, this actually worked well. I made Dean's List. I was able to balance work and school easily. I used resources to my advantage and got out of my comfort zone a bit. And it would have been fine if I had just stayed like that. 
    But then came the second year at community college, and things began to go a little differently. I switched my job to one at the college, which paid better and allowed me to do homework when it was slow. Only problem is, the hours were longer, and I had to get up earlier and leave later; by the spring semester, I left home at 7AM and got home at close to 8 or 9PM on most days. On the weekends, I buried myself in schoolwork, since those were the only days I had off. If I had time off, and wasn't studying or reading, then I felt guilty and utterly disgusted with myself that I was wasting time that could've been spent trying to go the extra mile. 
     I didn't forsee the consequences at first. In the fall semester, I began to cut myself to relieve stress. I kept Post-Its by the bed because I often lay awake worrying about things that were due, and it helped me gain a sense of control just to write it down. I studied like a madwoman for every test and quiz, and if I got anything less than a perfect score I would beat myself the entire way home over what I could have possibly done wrong. Not to mention that my acid reflux came back, something that had gone away in my first year of college and I had not seen since my senior year of highschool. By graduation, I was practically a zombie: a sleep-deprived, anxiety-driven, reading and writing machine that was about to explode. Luckily, there was a payoff in that I was accepted into the film program at the college I was hoping to get into. Which brings me to a reflection on how my overachieving went over with my professors during my first semester. 
    At Purchase, little changed, and again I pushed myself even further: I made a gigantic schedule of every single little assignment I would have to do, and basically made a resolution to not rest or relax until every single one was done and handed in. This worked out great for class readings, even though I discovered that reading too far ahead actually becomes a problem, since you basically have to read it again, yet I didn't correct this behavior. I also jumped on my other film assignments, filming less than a week after the project was discussed and churning out short film screenplays in just a few hours. It was only when my Film Workshop professor sent me my evaluation did I wake up to what was happening to me. 
   In her email, she did admit that I was a diligent student and that this was fine. However, she also added that having a "get-it-done" mentality 100% of the time would prove problematic for filmmaking projects. If I did not allow my projects to work themselves out and breathe, then they would fail. There would be no life to them. And what director wants that?
   I took some time to evaluate my behavior after what she said, and I realized that she was right. I knew my obsessive nature resulted in lack of sleep, anxiety, and constantly writing and re-writing to-do lists for EVERYTHING (even things that were months or years away), but she really made me face what was going on. 
   So, because of this, I want you to evaluate your own behavior. Read through this set of questions and try to consider my suggestions below. 

   For each question, answer "Yes" or "No":
  1. Do you constantly try to attain perfection with every single thing I do? 
  2. Is yout planner overflowing with not just appointments, but assignments and other random reminders for very simple tasks that you otherwise don't trust yourself to just remember? 
  3. Are you afraid to trust others to do their share of the work when in a group project setting? (Add an extra "yes" if you secretly have the ambition to do the entire project yourself). 
  4. Do you feel that you are often in competition with your peers? 
  5. Do you have a constant drive to do everything in the shortest amount of time possible? 
  6. Do you often lie in bed worrying about assignments?  
  7. Do you write reminders for simple tasks, and then re-write them over and over again because you are terrified of forgetting things?  
  8. Are you afraid of being "average" in any way?  
  9. Are you afraid of failure? (Be honest)
  10. Are you extremely self-critical about even the most insignificant things? 
  11. Do you become irrationally envious when others do something better than you did?  
  12. Do you consider anything below "first place" to be a failure?  
  13. Do you feel guilty when you relax or do unproductive activities to unwind, because you feel you could be using the time to work on an assignment?  
  14. Do you have a million side projects that you are working on at the same time as your other work, despite how much time they all demand? 
  15. Do you find it hard to congratulate yourself when you complete a difficult project, because your focus is only on the next thing you have to do?  
  16. Do you have catastrophic thoughts? (Ex. You forget to study, and then you tell yourself that because of this, you will fail the class, and then won't graduate, and then won't get a job, and on and on.)  
  17. Is "tired" now just a consistent part of your personality?  
  18. Do you make gigantic to-do lists and plan out every single minute of every single day?  
  19. Do you do this a week or more in advance?  
  20. Do you plan out your outfits a week in advance? 
  21. Do you make very meticulous and detailed plans for things you see yourself doing years from now? 
  22. Are you consistently too "early" for things and don't consider this to be an issue? 
  23. Are you overtly judgemental of others, but are fragile when it comes to people giving you their own critiques? 
  24. Do you pump yourself up to be invincible, when in reality you worry about every single thing you think about? 
  25. Do you engage in harmful behaviors to cope with stress?
  26. Have you thought about running away or killing yourself due to stress?
  27. Do you often have emotional breakdowns and wonder what you are doing with your life?
  28. Do you have persistent feelings about never amounting to anything, because there will always be someone better than you? 
  29. Do you feel crushed if you don't do something perfect on your first try? 
  30. And finally: Do you have the mentality that you need to be the best at absolutely everything and do absolutely everything and do it right goddamn now and you aren't going to settle for anything less? 
    If you answered "Yes" to ten or more of these questions, there is a good chance you have caught the "Overachiever" bug and are on your way to a massive burnout. Now is your chance to slow down; understand that it will be difficult, but keep in mind that you cannot do it alone. If you don't focus and breathe, your work will suffer. You will suffer. And what is the payoff? Well, if you have the overachiever mentality, there appears to be no payoff. Thus, we have a huge problem: if there is no reward, why do it? Why push yourself beyond your personal limits to the point where everything has to be a certain way, and it can't be anything else? 
    I would say something like "Hakuna Matata", even though it's cliche, but even so, take it to heart: not a lot of stuff in this world is worth worrying about. I mean yes, if your life is in danger or you don't know where you're next meal is coming from, by all means feel free to worry about that. But for those of us who have those necessities, and only need to worry about work performance and grades, all I can say is this: CALM THE FUCK DOWN. Life will move too fast for you to be a part of it.
   Now if you'll excuse me....I have to try and take my own advice. 
  Long post, guys....I needed to vent, and it worked!